It’s really amazing how much fear of even trying can wreck you.
I had been feeling slightly overwhelmed at my job, feeling like I was responsible for tasks that had never been explained to me with honestly no one present who could explain things to me. Add in a project I had received weeks ago that I barely started and I feared I was doing this whole “professional adult” thing wrong. I feared that I was falling behind and not upholding myself to the standards that were expected of me by my boss and co-workers. I feared even bringing up my struggles to those in my office and felt that I was very close to crashing and burning after only 3 months.
It was well timed that the public interest fellowship that I first obtained the job through had a meeting a few nights ago where other fellows shared some similar and some different frustrations with their positions. I wasn’t the only one who had troubles adjusting. Through the act of talking through these frustrations with my peers, along with my wonderful mother, that gave me the strength I needed to conquer my fear and voice my difficulties at work.
My fear wasn’t even failing per se, but struggling when it seemed like everyone else in my office – who were equally as new to their positions – wasn’t. I thought admitting my struggles would make me less than. However, when I articulated my struggles and frustration in a professional manner to my supervisor she was totally understanding and I felt like a weight was lifted.
Fear can be a big road block towards any goal. However, when it is addressed properly, it can be surprising what new and better paths it can reveal.
I’m still working on this “adult” thing, one road block at a time. I think I have a chance at this though.